s Wheel of Fortune

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Further Adventures of a Rogue Journalist

by Nowick Gray, Editor of Alternative Culture Magazine

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Wheel of Fortune

24 April 2000

I don't have my notes with me, is that okay? Is it worthy to report in excrutiating detail what has gone right and wrong in my life over the past week or two, even the past day? It depends on one's approach. Do I enjoy processing feelings with my wife? Do I get caught up in career-wise ego games? Do I forget to listen to my inner child with some compassionate distance, yet allowing that expression? Do I remember to breathe?

It's easy to get lost in the shuffle, when everything is going good. That's when the old wheel of fortune kicks in, throwing us off over the crest and into the downswing. If we're not covering our backside, we're in for a fall. The fool on the hill, and all that rot.

It's only fair, really. We're not meant to fly with wax wings. We need, as the pitchers say, to stay within ourselves, even when performing at--especially when performing at our peak, for fame or fortune or just sheer prideful human pleasure, else we take one misstep and plunge, oh so quickly...

Accidents are overrated. It's not just the recklessly depressed who run off the road or into the oncoming traffic; it's the A crowd too busy tracking the speed of their own thoughts, to notice what's watching them from the woods. Them is us, by the way.

So when I think I've got it all together, projects on the rise and domestic bliss, rolled up into one nice pleasantville chilled sandwich, I need to check again for the toxic ingredients, the victims of the land grab, the children cooped in their cribs. I am such a child.

So is my partner. Amid all our blamings and stressful compassion for one another, those clinging needs have a basis in one most powerful drive: the life force, the magnetic inevitability of attraction and closeness and touch. There's a lot more than therapy and sex going on, and it helps to realize that even nature goes through its storms and seasons, its night and day. Heavy seas last week, next week? Well all right, maybe we do deserve another go. It only makes us stronger for the effort, coming out burned clean on the other side.

© Nowick Gray

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Many of the essays appearing here are collected in convenient e-book format (pdf). Coming Home: Nature and Me and Other Essays is available now for free download.

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Telling it Like it Is (January 2003)

White Rabbit (February 2002)

On Novelty (February 2002)

An Open Letter to the Democratic Party after September 11 (December 2001)

Psychoactive Sacramentals: Essays on Entheogens and Religion (book review) (November 2001)

Forest Storm (September 2001)

Feminism, Poetic Myth, and Alternative Culture - An Homage to The White Goddess (July 2000)

Quests for Identity and Other Addictions (May 2000)

Wheel of Fortune (April 2000)

Great Writers and Street Poets (February 2000)

Upgrade for Speed Because Time is Running Out? (August 1999)

Retail Therapy: Decision Making in the Computer Age (August 1999)

Retail Therapy2: Random Brief Downtimes (August 1999)

Farouche Speaks (April 1999)

NetGlut: Notes from a cleansing fast (February 1998)

To Unix and Back Alive (January 1997)

Webness (November 1996)

Surfing Again (November 1996)

Bananas in British Columbia (May 1996)

Confessions of a computer addict (May 1996)

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