--Hal Stone and Sidra Winkelman
Each Other: Relationship as Teacher, Healer and Guide
"The fairy tale version of romantic love teaches that once
one finds the right mate, there is a marriage and then the two
live happily ever after. Somehow the relationship magically brings
out the King or Queen in each of us; therefore, our task in life
is to find the correct mate so that we can be truly ourselves.
In contrast to this, many of us now have a real fear that we will
lose ourselves if we "give in" to a relationship and
make the adjustments that are necessary in order for it to work,
that the changes demanded of us by relationship are a weakening
or a lessening of who we are.
"Over the years, we have found, both in ourselves and others,
that relationship presents us with constant challenges to growth.
It is almost as if "I can't truly be me unless I'm with you."
When we do not have ongoing intimate relationships, it is easier
for the primary selves to arrange for a life that will suit them
perfectly. It is easier to avoid our disowned selves, and, if
everything is arranged well, we might even manage to avoid all
direct contact with vulnerability. If we are clever and determined,
life can be completely filled with work, learning, and play. Relationships
can be pleasant but not important or demanding. We can live a
life in which only the primary selves operate and all others remain
"If, however, you choose the path of relationship as teacher,
there is constant movement. We wish to make it clear that we are
not talking about just primary relationship, but about all relationships.
In relationship, nothing stays still and nothing is predictable.
Bondings take hold and must be examine. Each unbonding brings
with it a deeper understanding of your many selves and an expanded
awareness. Each conflict or confrontation will invite you to look
in the mirror and to recognize what you see there. More and more
must be taken within and integrated as less and less can be projected
out onto others. Thus, it is in the daily interactions of relationship
that you will have been brought face to face with your selves.
You will find out repeatedly, and in a most direct fashion, that
you are not what you thought you were. In relationship, there
are two "consciousnesses" available to process what
is happening to each person individually. This, we feel, pushes
each of us to keep moving along our individual evolutionary paths
and brings us ever closer to who we truly are."
Each Other: Secure order page
Other selected books on Relationship
(thumbnail reviews, secure order links)
Cougar WebWorks Review of Embracing Each
Ourselves: the Voice Dialogue Manual, by the same authors,
provides hands-on tools for healing.
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