Power Résumés for the Contemplative
by Fred Sengmueller
Below are a few sample résumés of clients whose personalities our career psychologists assessed as "contemplative-introverted." All had experienced the stigma of long-term unemployment with its attendant loss of self-esteem. In many cases they had come to feel they were literally unemployable. After only a few sessions with the Power Résumé Clinic they were able to sharpen their résumé writing skills and land dynamite interviews!
5124 DeLongpre Ave.
Objective: to find a job
Summary: Dynamic self-starter. I have shown a consistent ability to get up in the morning.
Relevant skills: Speaks English. Good written skills.
Production associate dog biscuit factory (efficiently implemented management practices in the manufacture of canine nutritional products)
Hygienic engineer in various private and public establishments (night shift). My duties consisted in disposing of waste, ensuring the cleanliness of surfaces such as tiles, floors and walls, preparation of public conveniences (crappers, asswipe) for daytime use
Self-employed wagerer and wagering consultant (Santa Anita and Hollywood Park)
Distribution agent for US Postal service. Assisted in coordinating the distribution of postal artifacts to public consumers
Interests: Classical music, sporting events, wine, sex.
Henry David Thoreau
Objective: to suck the marrow of life
Summary: critical thinker, creative problem solver
Relevant skills: skilled at visually estimating the size of trees, depth and extent of ponds and rivers, airline distance of summits. Vast knowledge of New England flora and fauna. Excellent walker.
pencil grinder (both self -employed and in family business)
Interests: transcendentalism, hiking, gardening
References: R.W. Emerson, Concord
Siddhartha "Syd" Sakyamuni
Summary: Highly motivated. Ability to focus mentally on problems.
Relevant Skills: Effective public speaker. In addition to this I am good at sitting, fasting waiting.
Equity Employment: I declare that I am a member of a visible minority.
Education: memorized the Vedas at an early age
Prince of the Sakyamuni clan. Light administrative duties.
Coordinated and implemented the creation of a highly successful non-profit religious movement. Organized and supervised effective fundraising techniques for members.
In my innumerable past lives I have acquired the skills of countless professions and trades - all of which I am in the position to recall.
Languages: Working knowledge of a number of North Indian dialects of the sixth century B.C. Especially fluent in Pali (though I generally prefer oral to written interaction.)
Interests: Vegetarian cooking
References: H. Hesse, Prof. Robert Thurman (Columbia University). D. Lama (Dharamsala, India)
Dublin, Trieste, Zurich, Paris
Objective: to use my expressive skills in a media/arts related environment, or that failing, to forge in the smithy of my soul the uncreated conscience of my race
Summary: Effective copywriter, detail oriented editor, highly developed linguistic abilities. Some experience in TESOL
1905 - Customer care associate Banca Nast-Kolb e Schumacher Rome, Italy
1907-1914 conducted private ESL conversations thrice weekly with Ettore Schmitz and family, Trieste.
ESL instructor Scuola Berlitz, Trieste
Recipient of numerous grants
Languages spoken: English, French, Italian, German, Norwegian, Latin, Greek, some Provençal.
further references available upon request